Contact, Vol. II

Everyone looks so confused on their dating profile picture. Is ‘confusion’ the new ‘cross-eyed’?

In accordance with your logic, if someone else wins it must have been fixed or politically correct, but if you win it was deserved.

Humans who undergo heavy duty cosmetic surgery to appear youthful are either blind or must not own mirrors.

No wonder there’s a food shortage, anyone who orders food in a movie leaves the scene before taking a bite. So wasteful.

Attention young humans: stop adding cartoon dog/cat ears and noses to your photos, lest you want to get spayed and neutered.

When you grow impatient whilst standing in line, is it because you are in a race to reach the end of your life? Are they giving cash prizes for dying?

Wow, according to you, humans, Ross and Rachel have done it all.

Please don’t post photos of yourself in a location when you currently aren’t. It makes planning an attack very frustrating.

After numerous studies, watching’ How To’ food videos on social media have only led us to feel like we’ve wasted time we shall never get back. We also get hungry but no one in our fleet is willing to go shopping.

Your illustrations of us never follow anatomical logic. Our illustrations of you are pretty darn close: